Courtesy of Jeanni Ritchie.
- When my ex-husband began dating, I wanted to meet the woman who would be spending time with my kids.
- Despite some initial coparenting challenges, we bonded over shared experiences and family ties.
- Now she's one of my closest friends, someone I can depend on in good times and bad.
Patti has become one of my closest friends. We go to shows, crawfish boils, and out to eat. We show up at family parties arm-in-arm, and most recently celebrated her daughter's college graduation together. It's a beautiful friendship — one I never expected to have with my ex-husband's wife.
I made the first move
I remember the day I met Patti. I'd invited her to lunch after learning my ex-husband was dating her. I wanted to get to know the woman who might become my kids' stepmother and, truth be told, I was feeling a little guilty about the impending divorce.
My husband and I had been married for 12 years and had five kids within the first five years. We didn't really communicate much at all. He was a good provider and a great father, but we were more parenting partners than lovers.
I eventually began searching for affection and companionship outside of marriage. He eventually discovered the truth and moved out.
We coparented amicably at first, even taking turns staying in the family home to provide stability for our children. It was heartbreaking to see the hurt I'd caused, both to the children and to my ex-husband. I think I subconsciously felt it was my mission to help him find happiness again. When I heard he was dating Patti, I wanted to meet her.
We had a great meal and conversation at a local Mexican restaurant with me admitting to my shortcomings as a wife and building him up as a husband. I was trying to be both an honorable ex and used car salesman that night. But I did like her and she left with my blessing if they decided to get married.
Not long after, they did get married. It was just a couple of months after I had gotten remarried myself. And then it all went south.
Coparenting nearly broke us
After the divorce, coparenting became difficult. We fought over custody, family land, and more. By the time the details were worked out, we were so angry with each other that our handoffs had to take place in public.
On top of that, my ex-husband and my new husband seemed to hate each other, making communication tough. Through it all, Patti and I were stuck in the middle, with all communication taking place solely between us. No longer friendly, it was cordial at best as we collectively personified Tammy Wynette's song, "Stand by Your Man."
The women took a stand
With age comes wisdom, though, and we eventually realized blind loyalty to men was overrated. Girl power took its place and over the years we started talking on the phone, bonding over the now-grown kids' antics, our new roles as grandmother, and the ordeals of living with grumpy old men.
This started while I was living out of state and Patti was living less than five miles from my parents. She started to take care of them like they were her own. Many people actually thought she was a third sister, not realizing her husband was actually an ex son-in-law.
My relationship with my ex came around, too
When my second marriage was ending, Patti was one of the first people I turned to. She had been there at the end, listening as I weighed out my decisions and offering her support. She, of all people, knew the struggles we'd had. My ex-husband, who I'd regained a friendship with by then as well, was also supportive.
While Patti had always been at family birthday parties and holiday events, our friendship grew even stronger in recent years. She's just like any of my other girlfriends, and has taken me to drop my car off at the mechanic, while I've picked up stuff at the store for her. I know I can count on her when I need to and she can do the same for me.