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- My husband had a traditional upbringing, but it's never bothered him that I'm the breadwinner.
- We make financial decisions together for our family.
- He's my biggest cheerleader and is teaching our sons to appreciate me, too.
Almost nine years ago, while I was pregnant with our oldest, my husband asked me if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I said no.
I wouldn't have been happy if I weren't working. It would've been hard for me to thrive without daily interactions with other adults, and I find my fulfilment in my career.
In the years since, we've made financial choices based on the fact that our household has two incomes.
It's not that we're keeping score, but I'm also the bigger earner. Though we both know this, we rarely discuss it outright. We just bring both our dollars to the budget and discuss what goes where.
He switched careers, and the gap in our incomes became wider
I was already making more than he was, but when he switched careers and left the military to be a diesel mechanic, the range between our incomes became larger, a sacrifice we decided to make together. Changing careers came with perks that don't have a monetary value; we can now live near family without worrying we'll have to move on a moment's notice, and he's just happier overall.
Even though we would lose a large chunk of his salary initially, it was a move I wholeheartedly encouraged. Switching to a career he loved that came with less stress was a win-win in my book. And as he's worked his way up in the field by getting more certifications, his pay has also increased. So the gap between us has started to shrink again, and our family benefits from the fact that we're both enjoying our work. He also gets overtime and commission — two things that weren't allowed in the military.
It doesn't bother him that I make more money
He had a traditional upbringing, but despite this, it has never bothered him that I've been the breadwinner in our relationship.
In fact, he has been proud of my career and subsequent growth from day one. He's my biggest cheerleader, and if I get a big paycheck, we discuss together what to do with the funds. We have joint checking and savings accounts, and discuss how "extras" will be used, whether it's saving for a vacation or buying something we need for the house.
I'm also proud of him and how he's worked his way up; he has always been successful and has had a great work ethic. I know that paychecks don't always match effort, and some careers are simply more lucrative than others.
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Our kids thought my husband was the breadwinner
However, our kids, 5 and 7, did not get this memo. Recently, they began saying things about how "Daddy makes all the money" and "Daddy's work pays for everything." I'm not entirely sure where this mindset comes from, though there are a few possibilities.
I'm self-employed, and my hours are more flexible, so I tend to catch up on writing while the kids are asleep, while my husband tends to work more hours during the day. Additionally, my husband talks about money more frequently in front of the kids. While he'll announce, "I have to go make money" to indicate he's headed to work, I simply say, "I need to get my work done." He'll also occasionally say things like, "Be careful with that, it costs money," when they're rough-housing.
The first time my husband heard our kids talk about their perception that his income was higher than mine, he told them that I actually make more money than he does and that without my work, we wouldn't have the life we have. He also told them they were being disrespectful and that I was smart and good at my job.
And he also told them to apologize.
We've always worked as a team to manage our finances. It brings us closer and forces us to work on communication, even when things are stressful. Having a husband who supports my career and is teaching our sons to do the same was a moment worth more than any dollar amount.